You Know You’re in College When…

• High school started before 8am, but now anything before noon is considered “early”.
• You have more beer than food in your fridge.
• Weekends start on Thursday.
• 6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up.
• You know many different ways to cook ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese.
• The health center gives out free condoms, and people take them… just in case.
• Instead of falling asleep in class, you stay in bed.
• You know how late McDonald’s, Taco Bell, White Castle, etc. are open.
• You think it’s the weekend on a Wednesday and you don’t know what month it is.
• You can’t remember the last time you washed your car.
• Your underwear/sock supply dictates your laundry schedule.
• You get drunk dialed on any night of the week.
• You wash dishes in the bathroom sink.
• You’ve fallen off a loft bed.
• You talk about beer pong like it’s a sport.
• Finding random people in your house is perfectly normal, and you even sympathize with them… sometimes when you wake up you have no idea where you are.
• You open a beer at 10 am and your roommate asks you if there’s more.
• The standard of meals per day falls to two, sometimes just one.
• Your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t.
• You go to Target or Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week.
• You wear the same jeans for 13 days without washing them.
• Your breakfast consists of a coke or cereal bar on the way to class… anything with caffeine will do.
• Quarters are like gold.
• Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some ramen noodles.
• You live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
• You try to study but seem to procrastinate by eating, going to study breaks, talking to people, etc…
• You talk to your roommate on a messenger when you’re both home.
• You ask people what YOU did last night.
• You’ve seen a hit and run involving a bicyclist/pedestrian.
• You see people you know you’ve met but can never remember their names or how you know them.
• You sleep more in class than in your room
• Your idea of a square meal is a box of Pop-Tarts.
• You’ve traveled with bags of dirty clothes.
• You go home to do your laundry because you’re too poor to pay the $2… or too lazy to go to a change machine.
• You pay $100 for a book you don’t read once, return it four months later, and get $7.
• More than 20% of your household furnishings are made from milk crates.
• You recognize the meat in the dorm soup as yesterday’s meatloaf, and thus decide to eat a nice bowl of cereal – a safe bet for any meal.
• You use words like “thus” (see #40).
• You throw out bowls and plates because you don’t feel like washing them.
• Your beer pong table is nicer than all your other tables.
• It takes preparation… and 3 people… to take out your garbage.
• Going to the library is a social event.
• You wear flip flops in the shower your freshman year… you know why.
• You start joining clubs because of the free food.
• Visits home depend on how much money you have for gas.
• You skip one class to write a paper for another.
• You have no idea where your tuition money is going… technology fees? I think not.
• Bicycles don’t seem as lame as they did in high school.
• You stay up late to finish homework then sleep through the class in which it was due.
• Girls: You’ve balanced your foot on a shampoo bottle to shave.
• Your backpack is giving you scoliosis.
• You’ve written a check for 45 cents or stopped to get $2.00 of gas.
• Your bill in the bookstore will be comparable to tuition.
• Going to the mailbox becomes an ego booster/breaker.
• Most of your T.A.’s are foreign…what’s the deal?
• You never realized so many people are smarter than you.
• You never realized so many people are dumber than you.
• Care packages rank right up there with birthdays.
• You craft ways to make any game into a drinking/stripping game.
• You meet the type of people you thought only existed in movies.
• Printers break down only when you desperately need them.
• Anything can be cooked in a microwave.
• You have Safe Ride programmed into your phone.
• Old school Nintendo… and guitar hero… are pretty much the best things ever.
• Going to the grocery at midnight is completely normal.
• You call restaurants that deliver more than you call your own family.
• You’ve paid bills over $5… in coins.
• You can’t imagine life without your computer/cell phone
• Hoodies and sweatpants become the norm – jeans are considered “dressy” at certain occasions… like school.
• A canceled class is almost as exciting as Christmas.
• Taking a nap in the library is perfectly acceptable.
• Your professors speak English… as a second language.
• Your teachers swear in class and no one cares.
• Candles in your dorm room are considered contraband, but cigarettes are OK.
• You take condiment packets and napkins from fast food restaurants – hey, they’re free.
• Betta fish are like your family.
• You bring back socks from the laundry room that may or may not be yours.
• You know what people carrying suspiciously heavy backpacks after dark are doing…
• The elevators take forever but you’ll wait 10 minutes just so you don’t have to climb stairs.
• Your roommate asks you to check the weather on your computer when they’re standing 5 feet away from the door.
• Showers become more of an issue.
• You press the automatic door opener instead of simply grabbing the handle when you approach a door.
• Christmas lights seem to be acceptable all year round.
• Class size doubles on exam days.
• You donate plasma even though you know it’s pretty sketchy.
• You are no longer thankful that fire alarms are here to protect you.
• You’ve bought Christmas presents from the book store and charged it to your student account so your parents pay for the gifts because you’re too broke.
• You begin to include ketchup on your list of acceptable vegetables.
• You stay on campus for hours in between classes when it’s too cold to walk home.
• People have to help you kick the vending machine just so you can get your 50 cent bag of chips.
• There’s always a “question kid” in at least one of your classes, and you really wish someone would just tell him/her to shut the hell up.
• You steal dishes from the cafeteria so you don’t have to wash your own.
• Laundry is an all-day event.
• You no longer find it uncool to take naps. In fact, you quite enjoy them.
• It’s illegal to drink in the dorms yet they sell an assortment of shot glasses, beer mugs, tankards, etc. in the bookstore.
• You find your list of acceptable napping places expanding daily to increasingly uncomfortable locations.
• You fill out credit card applications for the free food.
• You’ve eaten cereal out of a cup… with a fork.
• Dressing up for Halloween becomes cool again.
• You know at least one person who has dropped his/her cell phone into a toilet.
• You hang multiple shirts on the same hanger to save space/money.
• You become increasingly annoyed with the “old” people in class – props to them for going back to college but they generally ask really, really annoying questions.
• You admire people’s alcohol bottle shrines.
• You set your clock 5-10 minutes ahead so you can potentially make it to class on time.
• You text faster than you type.
• You only find out a class is cancelled after you get there and sit for about ten minutes.
• You actually start using coupons, especially those school coupon books.
• You open canned food and eat it… out of the can.
• You run out of black ink and, instead of buying a new ink cartridge, decide blue is a nice substitute… adds a little flair.
• You have numbers in your phone with labels like “Sketchy Steve” and “Alcohol Guy.”
• The food in your fridge may or may not be older than your little brother.
• You finish reading this and wonder how you can procrastinate next.